it's not me, it can't be...

As of late, I have been having to keep myself occupied, with television, books or music; so my mind will not start to drift into places that I do not want it to be. I guess it is good that I am reading again.
"I don't want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can't think again. Not ever again"

I truly do not enjoy thinking of Kaydie making memories with someone else. I know that sounds sexual, but really it is not. I just don't want our memories written over. "And all the books you've read have been read by other people. And all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that's pretty to you is pretty to other people." What if she plays video games with another guy? Or, another guy goes to Starbucks a lot, or still has GI Joes, or eats pizza rolls while watching Boy Meets World, or he likes to sit in the car on shady El Cajon Streets.

I should really stop being like this, it can't be good. Maybe I should just stuck it up and move on, stop being such a little baby. Yeah, but that's hard...

"I just remembered what made me think of all this. I'm going write it down because maybe if I do I won't have to think about it. And I won't get upset. But the thing is that I can hear Sam and Craig having sex.

And for the first time in my life, I understand the end of that poem.

And I never wanted to. You have to believe me"