turn myself to the sweaty covers...

sunset
Originally uploaded by nowiknowforever.

Here is the sunet I was telling you about yesterday, it is nice huh? The picture could be better but I was in the backseat of the car..

As of recent, I have grown weary; which has resulted in me updating more, which I think is a positive reaction to a negative action. Bryan, Raya and I were supposed to hang out, I am not sure if we will though because it is getting late.

Like I just mentioned, I have updated a lot recently, if you have yet to read my recent posts, you should. Also, I made it so anyone in the world can comment, just like your livejournals and whatnot...

I am waiting for something really good to happen, maybe tomorrow, today has been rather slow. But, the best thing God has created is a new day.

TV is the true mirror of our lives...

I am aware that I say this every post, but I will reiterate it once more; things are changing very fast.
College Is going to change my life so much, I haven't had a major change like this since I started high school. I wonder if I will fit in there. I was talking to Alisha about fitting in yesterday, I came to the conclusion that I have never really fit in with the cliche groups of high school. I was never smart enough to hang out with the "smart kids" nor was I good at skating so I couldn't hang out with the popular crowd. Then, in 10th grade I thought I found the people who I belong with, but I still felt out of place, I didn't really fit in because I didn't do enough drugs or drink enough booze. When that phase died out, I found a wonderful group of friends in the Indie Elite. This group of friends could possibly be the best one yet, but I still feel out of place with them. I don't feel smart enough, nor do I excel in any particular subject'; and they all do. I think I still have yet to find my niche, but until then I am happy with where I am, kind of. I have never told this to anyone, well Alisha was the first to find out, she found at the exact same time I did. I really enjoy talking to her because I will just ramble about meaningless subjects just so I can find out where I stand in life, and she is just a "shoulder" she listens, and understands everything. It is good to have someone you can talk to like that, I haven't had someone like that in a very long time, or ever really..

Once again, I feel like I could cry, but I won't.

Tonight, Raya, Bryan and I hung out, I feel as if they are one of the few people I can be myself around. We had fun, we were driving around, and we saw the most glorious sunset I have seen, in san diego at least. The beams of light were cutting through the sky and clouds as if they were, well, air. At the end of the night, we went to Raya's house where I saw Katie, she seemed really happy to see me, it was genuine.
Raya, Bryan and I made plans to see eachother again tomorrow, I hope it happens, they make me feel good inside.

Also, I saw my friend Lauren today. She came over because we hadn't seen eachother in awhile, today was 1 year from the 1st time we met. I really have nothing else to say about that, sorry.

PS: anyone in the world can now comment, so comment, tell me what you think...

It' s alright, you'll say good-bye next time you say hello...

because, I didn't think you wanted me to...

"You know I'm leaving in a week"
"Yeah. I know"
"Don't start crying again."
"Okay"
"I want you to listen."
"Okay."
"I'm really scared to be alone at college"
"You are?" I never really thought of that before.
"Just like you're really scared to be alone here"
"Okay" I nodded.
"So, I'll make you a deal. When things get to be too much at college, I'll call you, and when things get to be too much here, you call me."
"Could we write letters back and forth?"
"Of course," she said.
Then I started crying again. I really am a roller-coaster sometimes.

loving is fine if you have plenty of time....

sky show
Originally uploaded by nowiknowforever.

Summer is really winding down, I am starting to visit my friends at school in the dorms. Doing this makes me wish I would have lived in the dorms or gone to a different school, something along the lines of UCSD, like Joe. I can always transfer school if I don't like AI.

My computer charger is dead, so recently I have been using my PC, which I haven't used since winter break of '04. There are a lot of pictures from sophmore through senior year. So looking at those, I think a thanks is in order.

Thank you for good music
Thank you for the jacuzzi
Thank you for baseball
Thank you for starbucks
Thank you for homecoming
Thank you for my bed
Thank you for disneyworld
Thank you for the photo room
Thank you for the movies
Thank you for krispie kremes
Thank you for your couch
Thank you for the staduim
Thank you for amazing conversations
Thank your for fireworks
Thank you all for being my amazingly wonderful friends, you mean so much to me...

I start school next monday, that is also when Alisha leaves; great.
I found out my cousin, is actually my half-cousin.

I went to the Aztec game with my nowhalfcousin, Raya, and Alisha.
It was a time...

I am definitely not alright...

"this is like, really good surrealism"

this is how I am feeling:

Things are going to be very different from here on out, A number of elements are changing in my life; drastically.

• Joe is off at College
• Alisha is moving to Washington
• I am turning 18 soon
• I am starting college very soon

I am sitting in Pat's room watching Bryan and Pat paint, I am missing a lot of things in my life right now and I really hope this weekend will change that.

All I can think about is the fact that Sam is leaving in two weeks to go to Penn State. And Mary Elizabeth is going to be busy with her guy. And my sister is going to be busy with hers. And Alice and I aren't that close. I know Patrick will be around, but I'm afraid maybe since he isn't sad, he won't want to spend time with me. I know that's wrong in my head, but it feels that way sometimes.

i won't even ask you where you've been

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time
I better stop now before I start crying
Go off to sleep in the sunshine
I don't want to see the day when it's dying
She's a sight to see, she's good to me
She's a pretty thing and she knows everything
You don't deserve to be lonely
But those drugs you got won't make you feel better
Pretty soon you'll find it's the only
Little part of your life you're keeping together
I'm nice to you, I could make it through
That you're already somebody's baby

I could make you smile if you stayed a while
But how long will you stay with me baby?

You're wonderful, when it's beautiful

tonight, wasn't so good.
Joe started college today.
Things are going to be very different now.

what does that make me? a log-sleeping loser.

Disney Land.
I have 32 pictures to show you all, sorry they are so small, to see them bigger go here.

We left my house at about 5:45 and got to disneyland in 1 hour and 20 minutes.
Needless to say, we were very tired and only on 30 minutes of sleep.







We woke up a bit, so it was ride time


as you can tell, mark was still tired

then we dove into this bath of drugs they call, winnie the pooh.

brian in line for something

i tried to be a galactic hero again, but i didn't have my partner

joe using 2 guns

space sperm

adam is crazy

we had to stop for some food, red bull soup. I fell asleep here.


we all slept on the train for 30 mins, adam's hat fell off

Refreshed, we went to tomorrow land


where I found this crazy ball

dance part #1

I saw this very daring man who is climbing this mountain, Yukon Cornelius?

Then we went across to California Adventure, where of course copeland was sung by us all.


starved for your attention

that sky, is fake.

brian siege and mark on a crazy ride, I passed

We hurried back to tomorrow land so we could see the robot!


Asimo is the robot, I thought he was named after one of the robotic innovators Issac Asmiov, I was wrong.

who cares what his name is, he can walk up stairs

we left the robot house and saw a beautiful sunset and under-lit buildings, sorry.

once again tired, we slept on pirates of the caribbean, which could be the scariest thing to wake up to

Night fell, enter the somewhat good pictures.




the new space mountain is lame




What you all have been waiting for:


the castle is disneyworld is so much better

after that we went home because there was no fireworks, so we drove home.
We blasted dance music the whole time and we had a phat dance party, it might have been the highlight of my day.

Joe and I agreed that this trip was alright. We were bothing comparing it to our last disney adventures which were, nothing short of amazing. But we still had fun. Despite being done with everything by 5:30, we were also very tired the whole time.

Florida is so much better.


sorry the pictures are so small, to see them bigger go here

am I alone in this?

I have found out one of main downfalls...

When I find out that someone has feelings for me I usually tell them that I have the same feelings for them, which I think could scare them, but what I say is the truth. I really hope they know that.

What really isn't good is that I need to be constantly reminded that they still have feelings for me. If I am not, I think that I have done something wrong and that those feelings are gone..

disneyland-shminsey land.

Wait a second, I have something to offer her. Passion. Deep passion, and a history. Shawn, I came to woo her, and by gum. Woo her I will...

soft as a feather...

I saw a few people this weekend, makes me very happy.

speak for me:
The first star I see may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait....
So let's wait for one more.
The time such clumsy time in deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes.
You can loose yourself in your courage.
The mindless comfort grows when I'm alone with my 'great' plans.
This is what she says gets her through it:
"If I don't let myself by happy now then when?"
If not now when
When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?
Close my eyes and believe wherever you are, an angel for me....

Words from Justin:

its just like dammit people if you love someone go freaking grab them, kiss them, make yourself look stupid in front of them and sing a song. i dont know man but just stop sitting on your ass trying to figure out how to beat jeff micklos digital art and follow your heart