Such a long time running, and I can't stop now...
Why hold things back?
Yesterday, Kelly and I were talking on the phone, which I found rather strange because we never have before, and we were talking for awhile about how she thinks I do not give her enough attention. At the end of our converstaion we asymmetrically decided that it wasn't unethical to have feelings for eachother, because nothing would ever happen between us. That is how she wants it.
Later that day, I got ridiculed by Brandon, Raya, Ryan, and Jordan for being friends with Katie because she is a "use to be 12 year old" Objection. Weren't we all 12 year olds at once? The fact they can badgar me like that is very uncalled for. It is not there place to tell me what to do, or how to think. They seem to see it differently. They think that it would be best if I ditched her now. I, for one, don't think so. I tried to explain to them that she is a valued friend to me, but they didn't think that was possible, and that she is too immature. So because I didn't see things their way, they decided to take actions into thier own hands. Great. They took Raya's phone, and called her up. And said such things as: "You shouldn't be with him, your to young" "He doesn't like you" "Stop talking to him" and my favorite; "He's moving to Florida in 2 weeks" What the heck? The funny/sad thing is that, they got pleasure out of this. Also, the fact that Katie believed them is something else..I don't understand how she could believe such outrageous statements from people she doesn't even know, and that are hardly my friends. She didn't even think it necessary to validate these false claims with me, she just took it, and said "Tell him to go fuck himself" Sick. Good call Katie. So they are saying that Katie is the immature one, look at what you do, then tell me who is the underdeveloped one here. Taking the easy way out is not the most mature thing to do either, nor is it the most practical. If I choose to stop talking to someone, you can trust that I will at least tell them why I chose to do so, then we would talk it over.. After all, isn't that the mature thing to do? But what would I know about maturity...
By tradition we still have one more girl to talk about...
Alisha, who ironically just singed on right now, is good. We have been talking more these days, or at least it seems that way, but if it's not true, I'm glad it seems true to me. Is that really all I have to say about her? No, it's not. The other day or week, whatever, I told her how I feel about her, there is not much to add to that, just that she use to feel the same. Use to is always better than never has, right? Right. I really enjoy talking to her. Ironically enough, she is the only one that doesn't complain about me not giving her enough attention. Although, the way I see it is that I don't give her enough attention. All this irony is not one bit out of context, everything with her is very ironic. But, maybe I just over analyze everything...
I should really work on not starting sentances with prepositions.
I'm trying really hard not to think of that girl in that way, but it gets increasingly more difficult.
everything is now ours...
This is what I think I need. These big, fat, feelings they hurt my cheeks..
Confessing ones feelings about another is always a good thing to do...
It may not seem like it at the time, but it truly is..
After all, what if you never have the chance again?
Yes, I know, cliche; but oh well. Its very true...
Maybe I have never been the best at displaying or sharing my feelings,
But that doesn't mean I don't feel them...
A lot of the time, no sorry.
All of the time...
I am just so confused about how I feel.
You are always so good.
Of course things aren't always perfect,
Drinking
Drugs
and of course
Other boys...
Never help the situation...
Of course saying that you don't do it anymore helps, but in the back of my mind..
"What if..."
I should just take your word..
After all, I don't think I will find anyone better..
I love our having amazing conversations
I love having unscaled amounts of fun with you
I love waking up to you.
Physical or mental.
Of course, I always do, you are always there...
I love helping you with your math homework,
It makes me feel..needed.
Rule number 2: Don't be a fool
Rule number 3: Get up off your knees
Rule number 4: Open your door
Rule number 5: Keep it alive
Rule number 6: Don't be a prick
Rule nubmer 8: Don't leave it too late
Rule number 9: Just take your time
Rule number 1: Carpe Diem
A little story for you all...
Once upon a time there was this wee boy, and he was very pissed off, so he goes over to his friends house and says "you know I'm very pissed of" and she said "why"then he said "I don't know, I just am pissed off you know" she said "you can come over here and sleep in my bed tonight" and his eyes lit up, "alone that is" and he says "fine fine" she says "it's by the window over there, you can lay down in my bed and look out window at the stars, I know its the city but theres no clouds tonight" so he said "thanks" so he goes down and lies down in the bed and looks up at the stars and goes "oh stars, I'm fucking pissed off, give us a sign you know, something we can really believe in" and right there in that instant shooting star, he jumped out of his bed and said "fuck me, a shooting star, just for me" then he was happy for about 2 and a half seconds then he got pissed off again. Then he goes "stars! I've seen a shooting star before you fuckers! Give me something I can really believe in...."
man overboard
kickin' old school with some Blink-182.
There's so much more that I wanted and
There's so much more that I needed and
Time keeps moving on and on and on
Soon we'll all be gone
Let's take some time to talk this over
You're out of line and rarely sober
We can't depend on your excuses
Cause in the end it's fucking useless
You can only lean on me for so long
Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown
Stood over the ledge
Begged you to come down
You can only lean on me for so long
I remember shots, without a chaser
absent minds thoughts, now you're a stranger
Cover up the scars
Put on your game face
Left you in a bar
To try and save face
going away to college...
Yesterday was Brians going away party, it was a very good time. I saw people from high school which I hadn't seen all summer...
My parents and my sister are going off to Las Vegas tomorrow, I chose to stay with Pat instead of going, I think that was a wise choice. This weekend will be fun, they get back monday. so lets hang out...
Everyone is going back to school, I have til October 3rd. I have a lot of summer left; I am already bored of summer. I have to find something to do to take up my time...
something to occupy my time...
Well, summer is winding down for most people; but as for me: I still have until Oct. 3rd.
Today, in the car with Pat, Joe, Seejay, and Mark, I decided that I need to do something..
I remembered an idea I once thought up for a movie. I think it would be nice to make that idea an actual moving project..
But, with everything there are hardships, mainly with getting the movie out to the viewing public. That is going to be very hard to do.
I am kind of in the mood for juggling multiple projects, a serious movie, a funny movie, and weekly updated project; all in the video format of course.
But dang, displaying these videos is so hard to do...
ahh yes, and if you have yet to read my previous entry, go read it...
talk about life..
So recently, I have been thinking about life, the future, the present, and inevitably the past...
But in traditional Jeff ways, lets go out of order of the thesis statement and talk about the present first...
present:
You know, recently I have been pretty happy with my life. I have the best friends I have ever had. The females, well haha they are confusing as usual, but you don’t wanna hear about that now do you? Yea you do. I guess you could say there are a few girls in my life, all of which have major hardships. Love, is love, just thought nothing short of wonderfully hurtful. I just want to talk about life with a loved one, under the stars, on the sofa, on the bed, in a park; but it is so hard to do these days. Theres another girl, who plays every guy she sees, it hurts. Nevertheless, there is a small sliver of my brain that says, "Maybe she isn't playing me, maybe its real" but somehow, i doubt it. I really wish I could see Jessica more, Jessica you changed my life, if you are reading this sorry I have been stupid, but I really want to see you. Alisha, dang, I don't even know what to say to you, well actually I do. Yea, I do.
Are there any other aspects to a 17-year-old boys life? Girls seem to take up a lot of time. However, I don't think that's exactly a bad thing; I'm pretty sure its normal.
But there are more aspects to this life; I'm starting college {relatively} soon. Should I be excited? I kinda am, minus the whole I don't drive part. But, it seems as if that is what I am known for, which could easily be considered sad. I'm wondering if it's possible to go through my whole life without driving. Although, if I did do that I couldn't drive the Ferrari. If I can't drive it, what is the point of having it? I'm kinda going back on my college plans, maybe even regretting them. But no, I can't regret it, I don't regret anything I have ever done in my life, because everything I have done has brought me to this exact place where I am now, which I am perfectly happy with {?}. All I mainly do is hang out with my friends at starbucks and read computer news, but hey is there anything wrong with that? Maybe I should get a job, or possibly a hobby. I could always say starbucks and computer news is my hobby. I need a constructive hobby, but definitely not construction.
past:
Following the helter-skelter format, we will take a dip into the history pool, which I suppose could be called the primordial soup of the entry.
I have led a pretty well balanced hot and cold life, I have been very fortunate. Has that made me ungrateful? Or greedy? Is that what has led me to be so jealous of others? I don't think so, because I'm not really jealous of people for material reasons, more like "hey, this girl gives you all her attention, I'm jealous of you" which is still wrong, but it's a part of life...
I miss the old parts of life, my family recently has been disjointed, and I don't like that. We use to get together every weekend, but now it seems as if we meet up on just holidays, not even the random dead president ones, just the major ones. Summer always does this to me, it makes me reflect on the old family days, when my cousin and I would go to my grandma's house for the whole summer and just skateboard, play baseball and be kids. It was very carefree, not that I'm not carefree anymore. However, it seemed so pure back then. Cliche yea, but true. Maybe we will go back to those days, eh; I'm a bit to old now.
It seems that I am a lot older now than I was back then, a lot more things have happened to me. It seems that after graduating high school, maturity has just been poured all over me, like a waterfall of knowledge. I don't know where it came from, I suppose its one of those unexplained mysteries of life.
Although, one thing I have not gained knowledge about is love. In 8th grade I thought I had the love thing figured out, well I was, not so quickly, proven wrong. 3 years later, someone came into my life and changed my way of thinking, but I still have yet to figure out what she changed my way of thinking to. Have I loved? Have I lost? Or, were they minor school boy crushes? Some of them seem a lot more than just harmless crushes; after all they have caused a lot more harm. But will I ever know? Or is love just another one of those unexplained life mysteries. Who knows? Is love one set way? Or is there many interpretations, that could very well be one of the problems science and math cannot solve.
future:
I have been thinking, what am I going to do during/after college..
my parents said, "If you can afford to pay for an apartment, you should be paying for college"
ouch...
So, I guess I can't move out until I am out of college? Unless I want to pay $25,000 a year plus an apartment. I think not.
Which throws a kink into my post-college plans; which is more college, USC to be exact. Which is kinda expensive. Therefore, I either need a nice quick way to get a lot of money {we will come back to that part later}; or maybe I just wont go to USC. I would really like to though, a film or history degree would definitely be nice to have under my belt. Although, I do not wanna be paying for that and an apartment, so I guess we can nix that idea... See, everything is just so darn expensive, especially in san diego, I think it will be hard to live the comfortable life I want to live...
This brings me to the money,
Its funny how a piece of paper and change the way one lives life, but let's try to avoid cliches here.
So, I'm going to need a lot of money to make it in life. Like I said earlier, especially in San Diego.
Which is why I think I should move to the east coast, Virginia or a Carolina; its mondo cheap there. I will spend a lot less which will in turn help me live my comfortable life style, and give me all the proper things I need in life, including my Ferrari and other goods. But dang, just the thought of leaving sunny California just hurts. But, a nice comfortable loft, Ikea furniture, Ferrari’s, apple computers and 8 megapixel cameras are what the east has to offer. My word, have I turned into Edward Norton's character in fight club {Jack/Rupert}? But once again, lets steer clear of cliche's. So now, let's think about how to make money, the average yearly salary for my hopefully career field is about $60,000. That's not as much as I want to be making, but hey, it could be worse. I guess that wouldn't be to bad for the east coast. After all the median income for San Diego is $47,000. Average yearly income in Virginia is $52,000. Therefore, I will be living above the average line, which is good.
If all else fails, there is a 50 million dollar payoff if you give tips to finding Osama, so maybe a trip to the Middle East is in order? Who knows...that sure is a lot of pastries and Ferrari's.
--------
So now I sit here, im done telling you about my life, 3 hours, 24 tracks, 5 friends, and one early morning have passed. what do I have to show for it? a burning hot lap, a slew of horrible grammatical errors, 1,377 words of nonesense, and one satisfied jeff.
I sure hope you don't think I'm stupid, egotistical, or conceded.
please tell me what you think.
please tell me if you read the whole thing..
a new place to sit...
man,
i just got a new sofa in my room.
its so freakin awesome. since i was a youngin, i have always wanted one, now i have one. everyone should come over and sit on it. because its nice.
